losing it.

ok, so i have a secret. it's a big secret. like a big, huge, monstrous, size of my waist line secret.

i'm fat. you could say pleasantly plump, big boned, or large and in charge to name a few, but in the end i'm just fat. i haven't been this way forever, but it's been a while. a long and unhealthy while. i'm not going to get into the nitty gritty past right now... who knows if ever... but what i will divulge to my adoring public is my present and hopefully my thinner, healthier future :)

after trying this, that, and the other thing, i've been given the amazing, generous, can-never-possibly-pay-you-back-for-this, opportunity to join Medifast, which is a medically supervised weight loss program for those who need to lose 10 or 15 pounds all the way to people that are looking to lose a person or two... like myself. as of this Thursday, i will have been in the program for a whopping 2 weeks and what i can say is... it's hard. not like "i'm a starving and need a big mac!" hard, more like old habits die hard... hard. see i had been living this lifestyle... this tasty, unhealthy lifestyle for years and it was easy and it had become such a comfortable blanket that i had put around myself. i think that being fat is kind of that way... although there are some aspects that are very hard, worrying if you're going to fit/break that chair, not being able to wear trendy clothes (mumus for the fatties!), or DYING... it becomes such a cozy, warm, comfortable blanket that you wrap around yourself, that taking it off is like trying to get out of bed on an icy Minnesota winter morning. you just don't wanna. so you press snooze... snooze... snooze... snooze... and soon you wake up and you don't even recognize the person staring you back in the mirror.

i finally accepted that it was time to stop pressing snooze and i woke up. it's a pretty exciting feeling when you open you're eyes and really see all of the possibilities out there and realize that mumu's and broken chairs don't need to be and WON'T be your present or your future. like i said, this transition has been hard and i haven't been perfect. i've slipped up here and there, but i think that the most important thing is that i'm awake. i'm no longer pressing snooze. i can feel myself getting mentally and physically stronger with every passing day and it feels pretty damn good.

the story of us.

this is us.

two lovers of cheeseburgers, technology, our animals, house projects, vacations, in depth tv shows (currently in the middle of Homeland and does mon amor not look just look Brody in this picture??), and mostly, each other. 

we have a long history. not a particularly close one at first, but a long one. i've known this kid since we were the wee old age of 11. we went to school together all through high school. parts of the same groups of friends, his friends dated mine, we hung out at parties, but we were never close. after high school, i went to the same college as a few of my close girlfriends. Kevan would come down and visit with a few of our guy friends... and that's where the story of us really begins.

maybe it was all of those crazy college weekends, maybe it was seeing a familiar face from home amongst all of the new, all that i know is that's when he really became my true friend. but alas, as most love stories go, those carefree days were numbered. Kevan joined the navy.

he had a million amazing experiences that (cross your fingers) i might get him to talk about here, but those are his stories to tell. my part of the story is that as the physical distance between us grew, something else did too. when he'd come home, i was his first phone call (after his mom hee hee). when we'd hang out, my heart started to get a little fluttery. something about him, about me, about us was changing. we were moving from the friend zone to the lovers zone ;) ew, sorry mom...

5 years later, we're homeowners on our way to the wedding of our dreams. we started as best friends who could make each other laugh with just a look and in just over a year, we'll be taking vows to officially continue our sleepovers forever.